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| When we hear stories
of families and
adoption, there
seems to be one
group of people whose voices
remain unheard and whose
potential isn’t always realised.
This group of people is adoptive
fathers. This National Adoption
Week (1st -7th November 2010),
The British Association for
Adoption & Fostering (BAAF)
wants to get more men thinking
and talking about adoption, to
understand the positive impact
they can have on children
Nathan and his wife adopted
their daughter, then aged six, a
year ago. He works part-time at
a residential school for severely
autistic children and is his
daughter’s primary carer. When he
and his wife adopted, they became
the new permanent family for one
child whose birth parents were no
longer able to care for her. BAAF
estimates that there are around
4,000 children needing new
families in the UK every year.
For National Adoption Week, BAAF
wants to remind men how much
they have to offer as parents and
encourage them to come forward
as adopters.
Many are under the impression
that you need to be married to
adopt – but this isn’t the case.
People from all walks of life can
apply to adopt, the only restrictions
being that you must |
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| “In the beginning I felt
dizzy” says stay-athome
dad Nathan. “I
didn’t know what I was
doing really! Running
a house was never
something I’d particularly had to do
before we adopted. Now I was
running a home I would have to sit
in the chair, making lists of what I
needed to do.” |
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be over 21
and have no previous criminal
convictions against children.
Single people – both men and
women – as well same-sex
couples can also apply. However,
men often exclude themselves
because of taboos around fathers
as primary carers, or because they
think they couldn’t love an adopted
child as much as their “own”.
Nathan’s journey to fatherhood had
its up and downs, as he explains.
“My wife and I decided to adopt
about four years ago. During the
process we had some major life
changes. First my mother was
diagnosed with a very aggressive
form of dementia, then just before
we were approved as adopters I
was made redundant from my job
as an IT consultant.
“But then I started working at the
school for autistic children. It was
revolutionary for me. I was
suddenly launched into a world of
working with children, and I
learned so much about them.”
The transition wasn’t always easy
for Nathan. “In the beginning I was
quite lonely, not being in the work
environment. At the moment, the
stay-at-home world is still more of
a women’s world – but I believe
this will change, and that there will
be more and more stay-at-home
dads as time goes on.”
“I never dreamed I would be in this
position of being a stay-at-home
dad working part-time with children
– but it’s wonderful. Making this
change has been the best thing
I’ve ever done.”
Potential new male adopters are
one group that BAAF hopes to
reach with its new Adoption
Champions scheme, a new
community involvement project
launched earlier this year. People
like Nathan will be talking about
their experiences of adoption to
encourage other potential
adopters to come forward.
The charity particularly hopes to
encourage male carers, black
carers, and gay carers to
volunteer as Adoption
Champions, and be role models to
others in their community. By doing
this, BAAF hopes to bring forward
a broader range of people, to
ensure children waiting for
adoption find the right “forever
families”.
To other men considering
adoption, Nathan says:
“Lots of people, including men,
have told to me they’ve thought
about adoption but very few people
pursue it. People should as it’s one
of those things in life you could
always end up wishing you’d done.
There can be many tears and
tribulations throughout the
process, but adoption, and being a
full-time father, have given me
something no career ever could.
It’s changed the way I think, it’s
changed my priorities in life, it’s
completely changed my plans for
the future. It’s been the best thing
I’ve ever done.” |
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